reasontobelieve:

Fifteen Favorite Haley James Scott Moments
↳ 11. What’s in the Ground Belongs to You

It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people, and there is magic in the world, and the meek and righteous will inherit it. There’s too many good people that suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. But it’s not okay, and once you know that, there’s no going back. There’s no magic in the world. At least not today there isn’t.

I was thinking about the finality of it all, how somebody can leave your world in the blink of an eye, be gone forever. It’s too enormous to think about. It’s too hard. And then you’re just supposed to go on, right? Like just, deal with it. I mean really, you’re supposed to be sad for about as long as the flowers last and then, oh, time go to back to telling jokes and reminiscing about the old days. I don’t have any jokes to tell. As a matter of fact, I hope I never hear another joke as long as I live, and the old days…are just that. They’re old. Days that are gone.

I have to tell myself to just be happy, but I don’t feel happy, and when I try to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I can’t. I don’t feel joy, I don’t feel inspired, I feel numb.